Anally retentive

19 January 2006   11:13 PM

Some time before Christmas, those bastions of swearing and crudity Viz released their 150th issue. And to mark such a glorious event, they had a competition. There was a picture of 150 characters who had graced the pages of Viz since the beginning. The challenge was to name as many as possible, and in the event of a tie, complete a potentially libellous tiebreaker question involving Jimmy Savile.

Fairly straightforward concept, then. And for the winner there was what's commonly known in the trade as a buggering great telly, sometimes also described as a 42 inch plasma screen TV.

Having always been of the belief that swearing is both big and clever, and also being a fan of puerile innuendo, I have long been a reader of Viz, and decided to have a go at this. After a couple of hours, I'd named 130 of the characters. Hmm. So, I dug out the annuals, and shortly after got the last 20. Fantastic.

Next I'm thinking well, I've got the tiebreaker question, and I don't know if it's going to be the best, but I've certainly got top-notch swearing in there. So that's a start. And after that, it's just really a case of are there any other sad cases out there who read Viz as much as I do?

Turns out there are. I got a Viz annual in the post just before Christmas and a Viz runners up T-shirt. Still, not too bad, eh?

And then yesterday, I see the latest issue of Viz. It turns out 10 people apparently got all 150 characters, and after the winner's name was listed, the rest of us were described as 'housebound anal retentives'. I'm not entirely sure whether I was more proud to be officially listed in Viz as an anal retentive, or upset that they accused me of being housebound. Pub-bound maybe.

I'd therefore like to take this opportunity to set the record straight. I may be a sad-case, I may be an anal retentive, I may remember an awful lot of Viz characters, but I'm not housebound. Okay?