……are travelling on a car journey through Romania late at night and they get a little bit lost. Spooked by eerie howling noises in the woods, they decide to find somewhere to stop for the night and continue their journey in the morning.

They aren’t having much luck — the road winds slowly through the woods in the middle of nowhere, the only light source is coming from their headlights, and the petrol gauge is almost showing empty.

Suddenly, there is a flash of lightning and they see … a gothic castle lit up in silhouette on a hillside nearby. Finding a rutted trail heading in that direction, they drive their car towards it and eventually end up in the castle courtyard.

They knock on the gigantic wooden door, but there is no answer, and as the eerie howling seems to be getting closer, they try the handle.

The door opens with a creak, leading into a dusty entrance hall with flickering pools of light dotted around the room from torches fastened to the walls. In the middle of the entrance chamber, resting on a trestle, is a solid black coffin, that looks polished, new, but somehow also ancient, evil and cold.

A sense of dread steals over the nuns, which turns into sheer terror as the coffin lid rises open and a tall, pale man in evening dress, and with rather noticeable fangs, starts to climb out and move towards them.

“Quick, Marjorie!” says the first nun, “show him your cross!”

As the vampire nears the nuns, the second nun takes a step forward, and yells “fuck off you toothy bastard!”