Yes, it’s my monthly trawl through the spam archive. This is becoming less fun; now 95% of the spam posts comprise solely of a series of links, which unless there’s something particularly stupid about them, means that they are considerably less interesting, as I don’t particularly want to actually have to read a long series of spam links to find interesting content.

However, as usual, this material may (read: does) contain words and concepts likely to offend. If you want to be on the safe side, do not read beyond the ‘more’ option, as they will be relatively tame until that point at least…

Fix Internet ExplorerSpammer ‘H’

As much as I agree with the sentiment, I can’t condone the method of delivery. And nor do I believe for one moment that this is what your site actually is about, judging from the URL…

Opening the door I was greeted by a little bell announcing my arrival and welcomed by a striking lady, who I assumed to be the owner, while another lady sat in a chair nearby.wantmetotakemypantiesoff [link] With a smile she welcomed me in French, and I replied in English that I was interested in the prints in the window.

Looking me up and down, she asked “a size 4?” “No” I replied, “I’m a size 6?.hotlesbiansex [link] “Follow me” she said, as we headed to the back and the changing rooms. Upon entering the room I noticed it was nothing like the changing rooms I was used to.hotmexicangirls [link] It had lamps and a small sofa, which gave it a continental touch.

Spammer ‘G’

If you’re going to send me erotica spam, at least have the decency to make the words in the story the links to your sites. It won’t get your comments approved, but at least it will make slightly more sense when I’m reading through it…

rod stewart songsSpammer ‘H’

No thank you. Definitely not.

JackP wrote an interesting post today…Spammer ‘C’

Well, yes, obviously, but I consider any trackbacks which simply say ‘I saw an interesting post today’ without actually commenting on why it’s interesting, or actually adding to the conversation in some way to be spam, and they will be dealt with accordingly.

Pubic shaving tipsSpammer ‘L’

I’d imagine be very, very careful ought to appear in there somewhere. Along with make sure you use a safety razor. Although possibly my top tip — do not, under any circumstances, allow razors or similarly sharp objects near your genitals — is only really of use if you want an excuse not to shave your pubes.

World Of Warcraft PornSpammer ‘J’

World of Warcraft what? Isn’t World of Warcraft the one where the characters are kind of vaguely humanoid, and …. let’s remember this … not real*? I accept, and understand, that people want to look at pictures of nekked ladies (or nekked men, depending on preferences), but nekked World of Warcraft characters? Does anyone actually want to see World of Warcraft porn?

*although I obviously accept Lara Croft is a babe.

[Incidentally, if you arrived here whilst searching for that, I do apologise. You won't find that sort of thing here. Sorry]

Itchy anus?Spammer ‘H’

Um… no. Have you tried wiping? It’s part of my standard post-defecation routine, and has been for years…

Incidentally, for the benefit of another spammer whom I’m choosing not to quote exactly, I don’t believe that she actually is a sweet teen girl. I would find it distinctly unlikely that a sweet teen girl would be doing the things that you say she’s doing.

Things to do in PhoenixSpammer ‘S’

Sorry, I can’t help you there. I have heard that there are some things to do in Denver when you’re dead, and while Arizona is sort of diagonally next to Colorado, I presume you’re looking for attractions for when you’re alive?

Hairless pale ponytail redhead teen masturbatingSpammer ‘L’

Um… if she — or he, it isn’t clear — is hairless, how do you know that they are a redhead? For that matter, how have they got a ponytail? And for that matter, how do you get a pale ponytail? Tcch. The grammar of these porn spammers is just terrible.

4 adobe creative suite
3 norton sophos anti-virus
2 photoshop cs3Spammer ‘R’

…and a partridge in a pear tree, perhaps? What I also liked was that the security companies symantec (the team behind Norton) and Sophos appear to have merged. You’d have thought my ol’ buddy Graham would have at least mentioned it…

And finally, one message that I’m not really supposed to share with you, from a Mr. Cheap Ladies Dresses:

This is only for the blog owner I just want to thanks this guySpammer ‘CLD’

…not to worry, Mr. Cheap Ladies Dresses. I would have obviously identified your comment as not spam and stuck it on my website (no, not really) only you said the comment was just for the blog owner, so I didn’t think you’d want anyone else to see the comment or your link.