After experiencing London with wheels in terms of just generally trying to get from one tube station to another, or in moving around places like the Natural History Museum, we decided to go sans pushchair on our trip to London Zoo.

We got off at Baker Street tube station where I saw what can surely only be described as the world’s finest detective, in statue form. Apparently the Sherlock Holmes museum was only a few hundred yards away. However, I didn’t really even pose the question — you know it — “221B or not 221B, that is the question…” because we wouldn’t have time to do that and the zoo, and I kind of felt that the kids would prefer to see animals rather than stuff relating to a fictional Victorian detective they had never heard of.

But I’ve got that marked down as “visit next time”.

So we came out of Baker Street tube with the plan to walk through Regents Park: a long walk for the kids, particularly the three-year old who went into full-on whinge mode after about … ooh … seventy yards.

However, assuming that you were capable of tuning out incessant complaints from small children who want to be pushed everywhere, it was a very pleasant stroll through Regents Park. There were lovely trees, flowerbeds, fountains and all that sort of thing, and an impressive supply of grey squirrels running over it all.

SWP was somewhat taken with the squirrels, asking us to buy him one of them at the shop, and seeming quite put out when I told him that you can’t buy squirrels, and besides our cats would wreck the house chasing after them if we did take one home.

So after a nice little stroll through Regents Park we arrived at the zoo, which despite the fact it was half term and there was an enormous queue of people wanting to get in, seemed to be processing about three people per minute, and not capable of any sensible form of queuing system, instead having a huge mass of people jammed into five queues which were theoretically separate but seemingly always on the verge of merging.

And after that, London Zoo was still a disappointment. The price wasn’t disappointing (nope, put that in the “extortionate” category). Oh, granted, there were lots of nice animals to see and so on, but I couldn’t help but feel that it was a little small; that a number of the animal enclosures were small, messy-looking or just not up to the standard I’d seen elsewhere (in particular, the penguins at Edinburgh Zoo have a large area with a big island in the middle, loads of places to swim and view them, and the opportunity to watch them swim underwater. At London Zoo they appear to have a smallish shallow-looking pond next to some rocks).

My general disappointment with London Zoo wasn’t helped by the complete morons who… ah, wait a minute, I’ll set the scene.

We’re in the Night Zone. It is therefore dark. It is supposed to be dark, so that we can see nocturnal animals. You are therefore supposed to ensure it stays dark, so as not to disturb anyone. Only only idiot is shining a light into the enclosures, because otherwise he can’t see the animals clearly enough, never mind that is obviously distressing to the animals, that you aren’t supposed to do it, and that it doesn’t make it any easier for anyone else to see the animals because after he’s upset them, they aren’t behaving normally. And you’ve got another idiot trying to use flash photography. All that is going to achieve is to disturb the animals further (and indeed other people), because it’s so dark you’re not going to get a decent image even with a flash.

I would have said something, only they might have been foreign and not understood me, and then I would have felt an idiot for shouting incomprehensible stuff to them. Alternatively, they might have been Londoners in which case I would no doubt have been stabbed (at least, from the way knife crime in London is portrayed by the media). Instead, I just fumed quietly to myself.

However, I did get some measure of accidental revenge by standing on one of their ankles a little further through the exhibit. Well, I think it was them, anyway. I certainly stood on someone…

We saw monkeys, gorillas, a sleeping komodo dragon, lions, tigers (the big cats incessantly pacing back and forth, which I seem to recall is a sign of stress and generally contributed to my disappointment with the zoo). SWP was delighted to see the giraffes, which I had not until that point had realised were his favourite animal, but he was absolutely thrilled to see a real one. BTP was particularly pleased with the Zebras, because as far as he is concerned these are basically horses which play for Newcastle United.

After the big cats — I’ve always liked the way they combine raw power and musculature with graceful movement — I think I probably like watching things like the small monkeys the best. Watching little squirrel monkeys leap from branch to branch is quite entertaining, but as far as the cuteness factor goes, I’d have to give that to the meerkats. Again.

And I know it’s just because they stand on their hind legs and look a bit anthropomorphic. But it is still cute.