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The reason the doctor or sarah jane didn’t help is that this is torchwood. It would have been ridiculous if they had turned up.

I must admit that I am not a fan. I really wanted to be, but I find I hate (hate, hate, hate) all the over emotional interplay that pads out and detracts from the the action elements of the stories. Unfortunately, this extends into new Doctor Who as well. Most of the stories I have seen have less plot and meat on them than one of the old 25 minute stories (they were far from perfect either, but I loved them). I got very bored with everyone shagging each other in Torchwood, to the extent that I had no desire to watch such base, populist trash which so irritatingly padded out each episode so it ran twice as long as was required. The last straw was Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (I should have guessed from the title!) where I tuned in to see what interesting role had been given to James Masters (of whom I am a bit of a fan), and found that instead he was another sad, trendy, psychotic ex chum of Cardiff’s very own intergalactic star tart. Switched that one off after fifteen minutes and never looked back.

So I was actually a little bit delighted that episode 4 of children of earth actually entertained me, and nearly convinced me that RTD and Co. had maybe shaken of the juvenile sex pest obsessions, and excruciately emotional East Enders quality melodrama, and started to write some decent stuff for the Captain and his crew to get their teeth into. OK, there was some really weak reasoning for the sake of a crashing (but sadly very cheep) dramatic moment, like the above mentioned Ianto dashing in where angels would have feared to tread. Didn’t the character deserve something more than such a cheep throwaway? Generally though, what I saw of it was a damn site better than my previous impression of the show, and I decided to check out episode 5.

Well, cut out the crap, and it could have been a really exciting ten minute episode, but in the end, it was an excruciating pile of canker that I found nearly impossible to watch. I found myself forward winding through much of the emotional scenes, though I enjoyed the lads from the estate turning on the army!

Where was the action, where was the confrontation, where was the heroism? That is what I used to watch Doctor Who for, and if it isn’t a part of Torchwood, then they shouldn’t advertise it as such. If Jack isn’t a hero, in that ridiculous coat, then what is he good for. Shagging and that’s about it really.

Episode 5 was dreadful, and frankly I probably would have enjoyed it more if they had taken out the padding and soap opera and replaced it with a massed snog between Torchwood and special guest James Masters. And you’re right; why doesn’t Gwen get all nuddy – if RTD wants to introduce balance into the sexual ravings of the show, he should insist she get them out.

And no, RTD cannot write endings. I’ll put money on it that there was at least one draft of the script that had someone point out that there are still a few people around that saw Quatermass in the 70s.

I hated the last two episodes though and they will stop me watching any putative Series 4. I hate the sort of mind that can come up with this storyline. It was all far too close to home for me and made me very unhappy. Only a childless person could come up with this……RTD, step forward! Overall, not impressed.