Is Ashley Turning Into A Geordie?

Let’s see: Mike Ashley is a businessman who despite being a billionaire and Britain’s 25th richest man, but despite that he is a reclusive kind of a chap, so much so in fact that when out of the blue he launched a takeover bid for Newcastle United, the media only have a choice of two photographs of him.

And then rather than become chairman of the club himself, he wishes to take more of a back-seat role, so instead appoints Chris Mort as chairman.

And he doesn’t attend Newcastle’s first two games of the season, leading to speculation that he’s actually looking to sell the club only a few months after he initially bought it.

And then when we play Middlesbrough away from home, he’s seen in the directors box, next to the suited Allardyce and Mort, wearing a Newcastle shirt with jeans, and instead of politely clapping or nodding, he leaps about like a complete nutter when we score.

And then when we play Barnsley at home in the cup (for which they offer free child tickets with every adult ticket — can you imagine the club doing that under Shepherd?), he’s in the same jeans and a Newcastle shirt combo. He again leaps about like a nutter when we score.

Except this time he wants to take the match day experience a little further, and decides to go out for a few drinks in the Bigg Market afterwards. No, I can’t imagine Freddie Shepherd having done that either.

But that’s not the best part.

No, the best part is that the pub refused to let him in, because they have a policy of no football shirts.

It must be a slightly unusual position, as a billionaire being refused entry to a pub because you look like an undesirable, and as the football shirt-wearing Mike Ashley and the suited new chairman Chris Mort are attempting to explain to the door staff who they are, the assistant manager rushes over and lets them in, announcing that they are prepared to relax their “no football shirts” rule under certain specific circumstances:

We will only ever make this exception if it is the owner of the football club who is wearing the shirt.Mark Jones, owner of Ultimate Leisure

Okay, smacks a bit of “one law for the rich”, but since Mike then went on to buy a round for everyone inside the bar, and then left a £500 tip for the bar staff, I think we’ll forgive him that one, eh?

And then he remained in there until 3 a.m., apparently. Let’s see if I’ve got this straight: that’s this famously reclusive billionaire businessman who buys the club, starts watching the matches in a Newcastle shirt, jumps up and down like a nutter when we score, and then goes out all night on the town boozing after we win.

Is he really a reclusive businessman? Or is he just a Geordie pisshead in disguise?

Only next time, Mike, go to the Aletaster. I don’t get in Blu Bamboo often (indeed at all) and so next time it would be nice if you could pop into the Aletaster and buy me a pint. Actually, even if you don’t want to buy me a pint, pop into the Aletaster, and come and join us on the quiz machine…

2 Responses to “Is Ashley Turning Into A Geordie?”

  1. mark fairlamb responds:

    i hear lawrence (aletaster landlord) is looking to retire, so there’s a new business opportunity for the latest geordie hero.

  2. Mike responds:

    I particularly like the comments the Blu Bambu made about letting in another not-so-reclusive billionaire:

    although Mr Abramovich may need a large entourage if he wears a Chelsea top

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