What’s in the spam sieve?

Well, I don’t think I’d poked about in my spam filters since the start of January, so I thought it was about time to see what sort of entertaining spam comments had been caught in there recently.

As usual, spam comments are likely to contain explicit language: and explicit sexual language at that, so if that’s likely to cause you any offense, I’d suggest that you don’t read further.

Also, given the recent tendency of spammers to start using randomly generated names (or at least names containing some randomly generated content) so that they can see where there spam is beating people’s filters, I’ve decided that from now on, I won’t be using the actual spammer’s names. Apologies for any inconvenience caused…

Right then, what’s first up?

Hot Porn!
Sexy Porn!
Shit Porn!

Spammer “M”

Hmm. I’m not going to follow any of your links there me laddie, but of the three, I don’t really think you’re presenting the last one in the best light. Somehow it just doesn’t sound as good as the other two.

What you know about pyrex cookware?
It is a best cookware or not?

Spammer “J”

Very little. We’ve got mostly metal stuff. A couple of glass things, though, so they might be pyrex. I couldn’t really tell you, “J”, sorry. Fortunately however you appear to have found some links to sites which sell it, so if you decide it’s worth getting, you can presumably just get it from there…

While I was aimlessly browsing yesterday night, I came across a dating site, which had profiles from my country/state. I registered for free with them. Within half hour or so, I was able to get in touch with 10-15 girls within my locality. I could not believe this.

Spammer “I”

Funny that. I don’t believe it either. I particularly like the way you used the phrase “country/state” as if you’re not entirely sure whether you’re from a country or a state. Surely you know where you live?

When Does Paris Hilton’s Cd Come Out?

Spammer “W”

If — and only if — you’ve been foolish enough to put it in, it will come out when you press the eject button.

[company] to buy [other company] for $12.8 bln

Spammer “P”

I’ve been seeing this one for a while now. Always with the same companies being involved (at the very least, the one being bought doesn’t change). To be honest, I’d think that if they really were to be bought, we’d have heard something about it by now…

…but of course this is the classic pump and dump routine…

Angelina Jolie Nude Tomb Raider

Spammer “L”

Well, “L”, I had been planning on going to see Indiana Jones and the lost Pensioner’s Concessionary Travel Pass (or whatever it’s called) when that came out, but this sounds rather intruiging. When is it out?

Stop wasting my time!

Spammer “D”

You know, it’s funny you should say that…

Jewish football players

Spammer “S”

Yeah, what about ‘em? There’s a list of Jewish ’soccer’ players on Wikipedia, if that’s what you’re after. Although I was somewhat surprised to find the physicist Niels Bohr had played in goal for the Danish club AB (but confirmation with other sources showed this was perfectly true).

Teen lesbians who love girls
Canadian Porn stars by nationality

Spammer “A”

Erm.. I hate to be the one to have to point this out to you, but surely the whole point of lesbianism is that they like other females, isn’t it? And for that matter, I’m not entirely sure why sorting Canadian porn stars by nationality would be to anyone’s advantage. Surely they’d all be … Canadian?

Spiderman Porn

Spammer “M”

You have got to be kidding me. Spiderman porn? “Cor.. look at the size of his web!”

And then I encountered at least a dozen of what I presume to have been either someone attempting to “seed” googlewhacking (which, as the ones I’ve tried don’t return a googlewhack, is a project doomed to failure), or possibly more likely, simply that the spammers have decided to use bizarre combinations of words to try and get round anti-spam filters, along with a big pile of quotes, all simply in the hope of getting that single solitary “comment author’s site” link…

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts — Bertrand RussellSpammer “C-T”

In this case, I am still not going to directly name the spammers: what I will do is give you a jumbled up list of the words they used. If you pick any two from the list, they’ll make about as much sense as the actual names did!

  • arson
  • censorious
  • conductive
  • foul
  • lemon
  • rosy
  • translator
  • warehouse

I mean, what the fuck is that all about? But nice quote btw

And then finally…

Ambassador chocolateSpammer “K”

Ah, I know this one. The ambassador would surely be eating Ferrero Rocher.

2 Responses to “What’s in the spam sieve?”

  1. Holly responds:

    With reference to the first one by Spammer M, perhaps “Sh*t porn!” is less of a critique and more of a definition (have you ever seen Eurotrash? The mind boggles).

  2. Susie responds:

    Fantastic stuff!

    If you ever feel like making a guest post on spamstories.com, you’d be most welcome.

    Susie G

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