It’s A Bad Song For A … White Wedding
This little scheme came about because the conversation turned to what sort of songs someone was going to use as a wedding song, and obviously the lads then piped up with their suggestions, which weren’t always entirely appropriate. The whole thing then metamorphosed into the idea of coming up with the least appropriate songs to be played at a wedding.
Just to give you an idea of the sort of thing, here’s a couple that would be inappropriate for a funeral:
- Fire (The Crazy World Of Arthur Brown)
- Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead (The Wizard of Oz)
You with me? Right, over to inappropriate wedding music, then…
- Bring Your Daughter … To The Slaughter (Iron Maiden)
- Ideally suited for when the bride to be is walking down the aisle.
- Fat Bottomed Girls (Queen)
- Either for walking down the aisle, when she’ll be really conscious of how she looks, or for the first dance
- Smack My Bitch Up (Prodigy)
- Would work best with a nod to the father of the bride and a leery grin, just after signing the register. Of course, I’m not condoning domestic violence, that’s why the song is inappropriate, yes? Incidentally, if you’ve not seen the video before, watch it. Did the twist at the end catch you out?
- Where Have All The Good Times Gone? (The Kinks)
- Ideally immediately after the wedding is pronounced, for the first dance, or maybe the first argument, assuming you get one on the big day
- You Know I’m No Good (Amy Winehouse)
- Ideally, as the bride is saying her vows
- Everything About You (Ugly Kid Joe)
- Any time, really. But for best effect, when the bride is surrounded by her family
- Every Day I Love You Less And Less (Kaiser Chiefs)
- Again, possibly one to use during the exchange of vows…
- Too Drunk To Fuck (Dead Kennedys)
- For the bride and groom’s final dance of the evening
That almost concludes my list: finally, the creme de la shit of the collection, I give you, to be used immediately following the best man’s speech:
- It Wasn’t Me (Shaggy)
Hello. I am 
My brother-in-law is a church organist and once played “The Pink Panther Theme” whilst the bride walked down the aisle - dressed as a the pink panther, oddly enough. Which is novel. But for funerals he has played pretty much everything; “Smoke gets in your eyes” as the coffin disappeared at a cremation, and at one funeral the congregation sang Monty Python’s “Always look on the Bright Side of Life.”
My (ex) wife and I played “Differerent Drum” by Linda Ronstadt as the closing track to our wedding day. Oops…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q5C710lnPfQ
what about “that’s why the lady is a tramp” by old blue eyes, or “i used to lover her but i had to kill her” by guns and roses?
It’s a bit obscure, but how about How Could You Believe Me When I Said I Loved You When You Know I’ve Been a Liar All My Life?
I write Sins not Tragedies by Panic! At the Disco - it has the amazing line “The Groom’s bride is a whore” in it - or as a replacement to the best mans speech, I don’t know who did it origionally but Metallica cover it brilliantly “So What”
I am having the song “If you don’t know me by now” played at my funeral because they will never ever know me by this point