Stainless Steel Spam

Friday, November 20, 2009 17:47 | Filed in Scams & Spams

Okay, so I’ve been away. I may get to the details of that at a later point in time, but more importantly, here I am, back and ready to rock. Obviously after a little break, one of the things that I discovered is that there was a certain amount of spam comments which had been posted onto my site.

My spam filters had done their job pretty well — by my reckoning, only around 1-2% of the spam comments actually made it through to publication (although of course even those have now been disposed of). But that left an awful amount of spam in the queue.

Since I normally blitz any spam before it has a chance to build up, I thought it might be nice to take the opportunity to look through the spam and work out the different types of spam it consisted of, and the relative proportions these took up.

This was a somewhat time consuming exercise as it required me to manually classify each item from over 800 items of spam. I also decided to place each item into only one category (“jokes”, “online pharmacy” and so on) which was of course not wholly reflective of the actuality, as some spam items may, for example, tell a (crap) joke and then direct me to places where I might buy various pharmaceuticals.

And there were a lot of those telling me where to buy pharmaceuticals.

pie chart of spam types

With 845 spam items altogether, online pharmaceuticals were by far the biggest category, making up 22% of all spam. There’s a lovely advert (I think produced by Pfizer, but I could be wrong) which illustrates the danger of buying fake medicines online, pointing out that you don’t know what’s actually in it: it may contain rat poison…

Although given that in my youth (sorry, earlier youth) I worked in a pharmacy and was fully aware that doctors would prescribe stuff such as Warfarin (which was used as a rat poison) for treatment of certain medical conditions, leads me to wonder exactly what sort of rat poison the advert is talking about.

But anyway, don’t buy this crap.

What next? Oh yes, the random or pseudorandom string of letters. I tend to think this is a tester for spammers: it gives them the chance to later on search for “fzzbx” or whatever it was, and if it is online, they know those sites aren’t particularly well protected. This made up a further 17% of the spam, closely followed in size order by ‘other’ on 12%.

Of course ‘other’ doesn’t mean much by itself: it is only meaningful once we know what it is other than, so moving swiftly on, we find that the next biggest section of spam sent to my site is piano-related. Yes, piano-related. 91 spam comments, almost 11%. Can anyone explain why?

I wouldn’t have thought my site would score particularly highly in piano-related searches. I am not, after all, a music maestro… well, maybe I am, but the wife, kids, and anyone else who has heard me would tend to disagree.

Then there’s the people who say stuff like “Very Nice Site” (I know) “MegaCool Blog” (I know) “Great Article” (I know) or “You’re really hot and sexy” (goes without saying) in order to try and get me to publish their links (around 10%). I wouldn’t mind, but when they’re just stating the bleeding obvious like this, it’s hardly even flattery, so I’m certainly not going to put their links on.

Then we’ve got meaningless lists of links and unsupported characters… where the spam appears like this:

????????? ????????? ??????? ????????? ????????

…which I tend to presume is submitted in a character set my computer doesn’t support — this makes up just over 8%. This is followed by those 6% who seem to think I would have some interest in actually paying real money to obtain gold in World of Warcraft or similar games. Quick tip: I’m happy to be paid money, I’m not so keen on handing it over. I also included “other techy” spam in this category, where I found a wonderful quote from someone saying how bulletproof their server was, and how the uptime was really fantastic:

my server is managed uptime 2×4

Not 24×7, you note. It’s 2×4, which sounds a bit more like a plank of wood, or possibly suggests that their server runs for two hours a day, four days a week. I don’t know about you, but I’d be looking for a bit more uptime than that.

There was another one in this section which I classed as ‘techy’ because they talked about online reports, even though it sounded a bit detectivey…

If you know someone around you who is being a little shady and you are getting uncomfortable around them, then maybe you might want to run a small background report on the person in question

E.g. Your spouse is particularly attentive or particularly inattentive towards you.

I like that. If your spouse is being attentive, they must be cheating. If they are not attentive, they must be cheating. Nothing like paranoia to drum up a bit of business, is there? But wait a minute, I can think of someone who is definitely a bit shady

Then you’ve got 5% which are links to sites which sound pornographic and with varying degrees of dubiousness. I’m sure that there are niche markets for all the content they claim to be providing, however. And as I’ve said before, if you really are Angelina Jolie (or Paris Hilton), and you want me to see you nude, just pop round and take your clothes off, rather than bothering with this dubious website business. You might want to give me a ring first though, just to make sure the missus is out.

Then we had the bloke who kept being reminded of stuff that wasn’t really relevant. There were forty two (5%) comments along these lines:

This makes me remember something funny that my brother used to say…
However its so not appropriate right now…

The relative in question changed from time to time — father, mother, sister, and grandmother all got a mention — but at no point did the person ever specifically say what was funny. Bloody spammers.

The credit crunch wasn’t causing quite the spam explosion I had expected though, with only 3% of the spam relating to making money online, credit reports and the like.

But there was a single piece of spam I had to single out as my favourite:

The Women’s Party brought centuries of enlightened rule to this planet. We had prosperity, there was a good tourist trade, no one suffered. So maybe men voted a few years later than women or couldn’t get the best jobs.

Can’t remember what link they were trying to get in, but I can appreciate their taste in literature. It’s a quote (possibly slightly mangled) from a novel by Harry Harrison, featuring one James Bolivar DiGriz, also known as “The Stainless Steel Rat”: international master criminal. If you’ve not read any of them, may I suggest you start your collection with The Stainless Steel Rat Omnibus?

You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

33 Comments to Stainless Steel Spam

  1. Steve Pugh says:

    November 20th, 2009 at 10:58 pm

    I’ve had the piano thing as well and asked about it on Twitter. Apparently it directs you to a site full of malware. Which half answers the question.

    The other half being why the malware peddlers picked pianos as their instrument of choice…?

  2. JackP says:

    November 21st, 2009 at 12:00 am

    Maybe they just secretly harbour an entirely unjustifiable and inexplicable grudge against people who play the piano? Much like myself and Wolverhampton Wanderers…

  3. Gary Miller says:

    November 25th, 2009 at 4:22 pm

    I keep getting the piano ones as well…and I can’t even play the bloody things. It must be Coy; I was wondering what he was getting up to every Wednesday and Friday evenings….and asking me for £50 to cover ‘expenses’. Must employ a little bit of persuasive interrogation later on.

    As for Slippery Jim, I’ve read all (I think) of his adventures…and bloody fun reads they are to!!

    BTW, It’s good to see you back pal. :)

  4. Gary Miller says:

    November 25th, 2009 at 4:39 pm

    P.S. “…international master criminal.”

    Hmmm, in view of the territory he managed to cover during his career, wouldn’t one (probably one, several or all of) the following be more appropriate?

    “Galactic Master Criminal”
    “Inter-Master Criminal”
    “Universal Master Criminal”

    Or, how about just: “The One”?

  5. 1234test.com says:

    August 31st, 2011 at 1:29 am

    Blogging For Fun and Education…

    [...]It’s a known truth that skills come pretty handy when doing work for the first time and even more it if is important to us……

  6. penny auctions watch says:

    September 20th, 2011 at 12:36 pm

    How To Deal With Penny Auctions…

    [...]When you know when doing your work you can do a lot more than when you have no skills…..

  7. hypnotherapy says:

    September 25th, 2011 at 10:07 am

    Hipnosis- Blog…

    [...]If you are conscious what is your job you can do a lot more than if you don’t have much knowledge…[...]…

  8. smtp says:

    October 2nd, 2011 at 9:17 am

    alertpay…

    Thank you for doing an effort to write about this. You are making cool articles. Good job….

  9. photos into paintings says:

    October 3rd, 2011 at 2:58 pm

    Portraits of Famous People…

    [...]We are absolutely sure that skills come pretty handy when having no experience with some kind of work and even more it if is important to us…[...]…

  10. healthy recipes for weight loss says:

    October 9th, 2011 at 11:01 am

    How To Do Effective Cardio And Lose Fat…

    [...]It’s a known truth that right knowledge can be very important when we are doing something new and especially if it is something very important…..

  11. carrera aviador says:

    October 23rd, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    What Is Carrera Aviador…

    …Having the right knowledge you can do quality work at many more things and make less mistakes while doing it……

  12. pursevalley says:

    October 25th, 2011 at 8:55 pm

    Get Your Own Purse Cheaply…

    [...]It’s a known truth that right knowledge can be very important when doing work for the first time and even more it if is important to us..[...]…

  13. moncler jackets men says:

    October 31st, 2011 at 11:58 pm

    What Is A Fashionable Jacket Today…

    [...]We are absolutely sure that right knowledge can be very important when having no experience with some kind of work and even more it if is important to us.[...]…

  14. ray ban aviator says:

    November 8th, 2011 at 2:18 am

    Everything You Have To Know About Raay Ban Outdoor Glasses…

    [...]It’s a known truth that skills come pretty handy when doing work for the first time and even more it if is important to us……

  15. dining solutions direct says:

    November 8th, 2011 at 11:13 pm

    Where To Find Dining Solutions Direct…

    …When you are aware what is your job you can be a lot more successful than when you have no knowledge….[...]…

  16. Marketing says:

    November 9th, 2011 at 8:19 pm

    Where To Do Marketing Research Online…

    Some people make mistakes and this is when right knowledge is very important[...]…

  17. puppy breeders says:

    November 25th, 2011 at 2:48 am

    puppy breeders The beauty of these blogging engines and CMS platforms is the demand of limitations and comfortableness of use that allows developers to oblige easy activity and ‘skin’ the position in specified a way that with really slight toil one w…

    The beauty of these blogging engines and CMS platforms is the demand of limitations and comfortableness of use that allows developers to oblige easy activity and ‘skin’ the position in specified a way that with really slight toil one would never reques…

  18. psp slim says:

    November 25th, 2011 at 6:19 pm

    Find Apple AV Cable…

    [...]When you know what is your job you can be a lot more successful than if you don’t have much skills.[...]…

  19. house prices information says:

    November 28th, 2011 at 11:32 pm

    House Prices Information…

    [...]With the right skills you can be good at many more things and doing almost no mistakes..[...]…

  20. Chauvet says:

    December 2nd, 2011 at 11:36 am

    Chauvet And What It Is…

    [...]When you know when working at your projects you can be a lot more successful than if you have no ideas..[...]…

  21. west virginia university mountaineers jersey says:

    December 6th, 2011 at 10:45 pm

    Where To Look For More Information…

    [...]Awesome data that I’ve been looking for for some time! I got some exciting suggestions from this[...]…

  22. offline advertising says:

    December 10th, 2011 at 11:09 pm

    Skills For Life…

    [...]Writing about a topic like that is pretty challenging. I will check out your web-site in the future.[...]…

  23. billiga solglasögon says:

    December 15th, 2011 at 3:41 am

    Solglasögon Online Here…

    [...]It’s good that individuals nonetheless know a good deal about factor like that. It’s good to know a number of people nonetheless care about this[...]…

  24. Date Singles says:

    December 18th, 2011 at 8:56 pm

    How To Organize Romance Tours…

    [...]Writing about a topic like this can be fairly tough. I got some exciting ideas from this[...]…

  25. E news online says:

    December 20th, 2011 at 10:23 pm

    What Exactly Is Real Fun Online…

    [...]Writing about a topic like that is pretty challenging. I will check out your web-site in the future.[...]…

  26. designer perfume says:

    February 4th, 2012 at 12:29 am

    Make Yourself More Attractive…

    …Having the right knowledge you can do quality work at many more things and make less mistakes while doing it……

  27. israeli sex says:

    February 9th, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    Do You Want To Find Fun Online…

    [...]I believe it’s incredibly crucial that a lot more persons know about this. Keep up using the excellent writing.[...]…

  28. celular dual chip says:

    February 10th, 2012 at 3:12 pm

    Celular Items…

    [...]Awesome information that I’ve been searching for for some time! I got some interesting strategies from this[...]…

  29. India travel says:

    February 16th, 2012 at 10:43 pm

    Explore Indian Culture…

    [...]It’s wonderful that people nevertheless know a whole lot about point like that. In no way forget you will discover other options[...]…

  30. Shoes Shoes 2012 says:

    April 11th, 2012 at 10:18 pm

    Spring Shoes Are Coming…

    [...]I see you recognize quite a bit about what that you are writing about. Intriguing study. It’s fantastic to understand a number of people even now care about this[...]…

  31. dallas pools says:

    April 15th, 2012 at 2:14 pm

    Pool Services Can Make A Difference…

    [...]This is truly cool. I’ve just had one more idea pop into my mind[...]…

  32. Affordable Health Insurance In Missouri says:

    June 25th, 2012 at 1:49 pm

    How To Insure Your Car…

    [...]Are you definitely positive this can be the proper data. I head anything else. I’ve just had one particular extra idea pop into my mind[...]…

  33. Eri says:

    November 4th, 2012 at 4:21 pm

    Is it case sensitive? If this posts, I like it a lotgttt!!!!! It doesn’t hurt to have to put that thing in, though the backdrop colour of the image doesn’t match your colour scheme, you should hax0r the generator and make it purdier. There’s also crud around the characters, it looks like it was a bitmap or something then compressed using a very lossy setting of jpg.

Leave a comment